By Mary Campbell
Relationships can be complicated in the best of times. If you’ve only dated toxic men, you might not realize they are toxic because the behavior is normal for you. Just because you’re used to certain things doesn’t make them okay. The following are four signs that the man you’re dating is toxic:
1. He financially abuses you
Financial abuse is when money is used to control another person. If your boyfriend doesn’t want you to work and have money of your own, this is considered financial abuse. If your boyfriend insists that you share a bank account or that you tell him what you spend and where you spend it, these are financially controlling behaviors. Money can equal power especially if one partner makes all the money. A toxic man with money may tell you that since he earns the money he decides how it’s spent and where you’ll go. He may even withhold money from you simply to exert his power. If he doesn’t allow you to have any money, he feels in control of what you are able to do.
2. His moods are unpredictable
Unpredictable moods are difficult to deal with. If you never know what to expect when you interact with your boyfriend, you may be dealing with a toxic man. One moment he might be cool and calm and the next he might blow up over something small. If you find yourself walking on eggshells because you’re afraid to upset him in any way, this is a sign you’re dating a man with unpredictable moods. You shouldn’t be worried on a day to day basis how your boyfriend is going to act. His moods will ultimately control the mood of your relationship and this is toxic behavior.
3. Things are done his way or not at all
A toxic man may want things done his way or no way. If he doesn’t get his way, he will pout and say he doesn’t want to do anything at all with you. Giving in might seem like a good thing to do in order to keep the peace, but what it really does is show him that his tactic works. He will be encouraged to do it anytime he wants his way. When you’re in a relationship with someone, compromise is important. Sometimes you will do what he wants and sometimes he will do what you want. One person in a relationship should not constantly get their way, especially through manipulation and guilt. If you are dating a man who refuses to do anything unless it’s his choice, you are dating a toxic man.
4. He calls you names
Name-calling is never acceptable behavior, but a toxic man might take it even further by claiming to be joking. He will call you sensitive and make you feel like you can’t take a joke. He may even get upset for you for not being able to take his “joke.” Anything that makes you feel badly about yourself is not a joke. This so-called joking may also come up when you are trying to have a serious conversation with him and he insults your dreams, opinion, or even your past. When you become upset at something he says, he will say he was only kidding. This kind of behavior is toxic and can ruin your self-esteem.
Dating a toxic man will have a negative impact on you and your life. A toxic man cannot have a healthy relationship with anyone. An abusive, toxic relationship is one in which one party controls or subdues the other. They do this through manipulation, humiliation, physical violence or its threat, guilt, and shame, among other mechanisms. The abuse can be emotional or physical. A toxic relationship can kill you in several ways. First, a violent partner can kill you in a moment of rage. Then the health challenges posed by being in a toxic relationship could kill you in the long run. So, walk away from that toxic relationship and save your life.