Should You Bring Up Problem In-Laws with Your Spouse?

As newlyweds, everything seems like it ought to be coming up roses, but unfortunately, it’s not always that simple. When you married your spouse, you also married their family. This can be a very difficult situation if you don’t get along with your in-laws. It can be tempting to complain about your mother-in-law to your spouse, but is that really a good idea?

First, consider how you would feel if someone was complaining continuously about your mother or father. You know perfectly well that your family has its faults, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It can be hurtful to hear someone else criticizing the people who raised you . . . even if they are only voicing what you feel much of the time.

Before you start discussing in-laws, you should consider how you want to say it. Just moaning and groaning about someone isn’t very productive. If you just want to voice your irritation, then you may want to write it down instead of bringing it all up with your spouse. You probably have a good idea as to how well they handle hearing how little you think of someone else, so respect that and avoid causing issues.

That being said, there’s no reason to put up with someone mistreating you, either. If your in-laws are constantly putting you down or treating you as an inferior, you do need to bring this up, but in a manner that won’t upset your husband or wife. 

Skip the whining and ask for solutions. “Honey, I know you want to have dinner with your parents next week, but I really feel uncomfortable with the way your mother treats me. What can we do about that?” This is just one of many things that the two of you will need to work out during your marriage . . . there are plenty of challenges that will crop up over the years!

If you already have a solution, be prepared to present it. “Why don’t you go, and I’ll stay home?” or “Is there any way we can leave a little earlier than usual?” Learning to compromise and negotiate is all part of the journey of being a couple. Neither should have to give up their parents, of course, but you do have to respect each other’s feelings and wishes. 

In some cases, it may be appropriate for your spouse to speak with their family and let them know that it’s just not appropriate to put you down. This doesn’t always work and should certainly be up to the person who has to do the talking. Don’t try to push them into getting into a fight. In most cases, you can simply find other solutions if you know that a discussion will turn into an even bigger issue.

It’s also important not to make your spouse feel that they have to choose between their family and you. While the choice may be obvious, it’s just not a pleasant position to be in. Where possible, think of solutions before talking about the issue. 

Can’t deal with the in-laws anymore? Marriage becoming impossible? Don’t divorce your kids or your money. Divorce your spouse. Get a confidential legal consultation. Ask the lawyer. Call 855-768-8845 or visit www.askthelawyer.us to schedule an appointment. The lawyer you hire does make a difference!